Between Rapture and Rupture.

T minus 9 days until erectile dysfunction.

First of all, Thanks to Chris "God is my co-pilot" Nichols for my profile this run. I would have just let everyone assume it was me that thought of it, but the guilt of blaming the Nazis for what I did at Dachau is all the guilt I can stomach for this lifetime.

Well, today a little Asian lady, Philipino, to be specific, said to me, "Daub we have decided you too skeeney." "We" being the group of crazy Asian ladies I work with, who are some of the sweetest old ladies I've ever met. They've taken it upon themselves to not only find me a wife, but to mother the shit out of me. All their kids are grown and now they have decided I can't take care of myself and need help. They catch me checking out girls and say shit like, "She just take your money, she is (insert Philipeno word for whore)," or "To skeeney for you, besrides boobs are fake. Fake boobs no good, give babies cancer."

Anywho, Lou (is the lady's name, she does not resemble any Lou I've ever seen, she's not a plumber and she is from Asia, not Jersey) made me 100 fucking pork egg rolls, because she didn't think I was eating enough. She even got me a bottle of some spicy sauce to go along with them. She made them all by hand, 100 fucking egg rolls! Man are they good, too. I said thank you, and she was so excited I didn't know what to do. Awkward, but delicious.

I swear I've entered the "Tri-right Zone" or something. No if I can only shift my charisma to a slightly younger, less crazy age group.

End Transmission.