Discarded dreams..far too much time awake...

In an effort to write on this stupid thing everyday, here I am.

I buried a dream today. Well, not today literally, I've been piling dirt on it for years, now, but the sod has been lain, and the earth now looks unbroken. There is no headstone, and the funeral has put me into debt.

I finished reading a comic book yesterday called "wanted" by Mark Millar. Another badass scotish writer...maybe it's something in the water...who knows. Anywho, it's about a typical asshole, with a typically shitty life, his girl friend is cheating on him with his best friend, he eats the same lunch everyday, he hates his job, his life, but he's too much of a pussy to deal with it properly. He's too much of a pussy like we all are. Miserable, but unwilling to do what we want, what we need to do to escape. He gets lucky and finds out his dad was murdered and he has inherited his position in a super secret organization, though that is not the real point.

I've felt this way more than once, and identifying with the fantasy of being able to shoot all the assholes who have ever done you wrong with no consequences, is a close friend of mine. But I was intrigued to realize that I don't feel that way now. I am actually content. Well, mostly. It seems like a coward's solution to just leave all the things that made me miserable behind, turn tail and run, worked.

I live an absolutely zero bullshit existance. Sure I have a shitty job that pays shit, but other than that, no bullshit. I talk or do not talk to whomever I wish. I do what I want, with close to total anonymity. Even sex is first name only. Ok well maybe not zero bullshit, more simple, uncomplicated human relationships, as well as the complete freedomn of people having to take me at face value...no history.

end transmission.