Wow. The new yellowcard album, "Lights and Sounds." So what if it was produced by Joey Cape (of LAgwagon and Bad Astronaut fame), which was actually the only reason I gave it a shot. I feel like that old man who hates everything new. I think Joey actually produced their previous album, too.. but it sucked, this one, though, really good.
Not as good as anything that a band called Against ME! ever put out. It's like nothing I've ever heard. So much fucking passion and talent and such a novel sound, and forget about them live, fuck, I hope they get what they deserve. The best band in a decade. No shit. I know I am prone to superlatives, but this time I mean it. "Reinventing Axl Rose" is a great album, start to finish, and my non sexual crush continues...
That's how I know they are good, they're coming with the alkaline trio next month. Should be awesome.
Wait this blog is supposed to be about me...today I went to work and haven't slept in 30 hours and I'm going to a punk rock bar Down the street, where the girls are jerks and the guys are jerks...and you're gay if you like lagwagon.
I guess I am gay.
End Transmission.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
I saved a girl from being raped last night....
yeah, it was really intense, actually I just stopped following her.
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Fogive me, for running off to fight....
Some of you might remember my short lived petition to try to get the world to stop saying bless you everytime you sneeze. Aside from being really annoying, (and the cumpulsory, thank you in response sucks too, just try and not say it, you will make an enemy for life) it is outdated. People used to think that a demon or the devil or some shit was being expelled from your body, so under that educated assumption, the "bless you" would seem approprate.
We know better now.
A sneeze is you propelling germs and snot at over one zillion miles an hour. That's almost the speed of light! This sends the germs into the air subsequently into everyone around you via their dirty mouth and nasal holes (and maybe via the anus depending on the sneezer/sneezee positioning at the time). I wanted everyone to say, "Damn You," when someone sneezed, but it never caught on.
Anwho, this fucking homeless guy (who smelled like cheese, and nutsack, and a little bit like a creamcicle, and had puke on his sweatshirt) sneezed right on an old lady today. I could see the boogers land on her shirt. She still said "bless you" before she got up and left.
"Damn You," would have been more appropriate, I think.
End Transmission.
We know better now.
A sneeze is you propelling germs and snot at over one zillion miles an hour. That's almost the speed of light! This sends the germs into the air subsequently into everyone around you via their dirty mouth and nasal holes (and maybe via the anus depending on the sneezer/sneezee positioning at the time). I wanted everyone to say, "Damn You," when someone sneezed, but it never caught on.
Anwho, this fucking homeless guy (who smelled like cheese, and nutsack, and a little bit like a creamcicle, and had puke on his sweatshirt) sneezed right on an old lady today. I could see the boogers land on her shirt. She still said "bless you" before she got up and left.
"Damn You," would have been more appropriate, I think.
End Transmission.
Friday, February 24, 2006
I have an ingrown hair directly on my Adam's Apple.
The Adam's apple or the "laryngeal prominence" is that stupid little, well you all should know what it is by now, It's the best way to know a transvestite, before you fuck her(him). ANyway, mine now sticks out half an inch farther than normal, and It hurts when I talk and/or wear a tie.
I have an ingrown hair (IGH) on my fucking laryngeal prominence. And it sucks. I have curly hair, and when you shave every day, like I must now that I am a coporate whore, sucking the cock of Corporate Policy, people with curly hair get IGH's. For those of you who have never had one of these, well, it's basically when a hair breaks the skin, but the decides to just grow back in on itself. This causes a big festering sore that hurts like a mutherfucker. Usually, you can lance it, get the hair out and get on with your life with only a small red blemish to mark its passage. But when it's on your face, the hair is usually too small to get to, so you just have to wait until it rots into puss, pops like a zit and then leaves a red mark for a few days. This process has been known to take up to two weeks.
The bright side is that it doesn't look as bad as it feels. Most of the time it's just a colorless lump, that only you can feel, because it feels like there's a piece of hot charcoal shoved under your skin. To you it is like there's a golf ball attatched to your face, but really, it is barely raised above the skin.
Unless you start fucking with it.
Then it turns red and angry and it swells. But unfortunately, fucking with it is the only way to quicken the festering process, because you have to break the hair off from the folicle to get it to stop growing and getting worse.
In conclusion, shaving is bullshit, and fuck MGM/Grand for making me do it. Fuck God as well for inventing hair with such an abvious flaw in the first place.
End Transmission.
I have an ingrown hair (IGH) on my fucking laryngeal prominence. And it sucks. I have curly hair, and when you shave every day, like I must now that I am a coporate whore, sucking the cock of Corporate Policy, people with curly hair get IGH's. For those of you who have never had one of these, well, it's basically when a hair breaks the skin, but the decides to just grow back in on itself. This causes a big festering sore that hurts like a mutherfucker. Usually, you can lance it, get the hair out and get on with your life with only a small red blemish to mark its passage. But when it's on your face, the hair is usually too small to get to, so you just have to wait until it rots into puss, pops like a zit and then leaves a red mark for a few days. This process has been known to take up to two weeks.
The bright side is that it doesn't look as bad as it feels. Most of the time it's just a colorless lump, that only you can feel, because it feels like there's a piece of hot charcoal shoved under your skin. To you it is like there's a golf ball attatched to your face, but really, it is barely raised above the skin.
Unless you start fucking with it.
Then it turns red and angry and it swells. But unfortunately, fucking with it is the only way to quicken the festering process, because you have to break the hair off from the folicle to get it to stop growing and getting worse.
In conclusion, shaving is bullshit, and fuck MGM/Grand for making me do it. Fuck God as well for inventing hair with such an abvious flaw in the first place.
End Transmission.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Time waits for no man!
I really have nothing to say. Not today. Too hungover, though a lot of excitement led to this state. Maybe later, but truth be told, all may have been lost on the altar of drinking and off duty strippers. Such sacrifices are sometimes necessary.
End Transmission.
End Transmission.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Like figure skating, like asphyxiating....
They can't all be gems. Well, why not? They just can't be. I got in trouble at work today because some pregnant girl "overheard" (I say she stuck her fucking nose and ears were they did not belong) me telling a co-workier that pregnancy is the worst STD you can acquire.
Now, I can understand why she might not agree with me. People with herepes don't think herpes is the worst thing that could happen. They say, "At least I don't have aids."
Aside from that, when did we all descide that derision of opinion meant hostile or offensive intent? You like carrots, I hate them. Should I get fired for hating something you like? Why is my opinion of carrots any of your business? I say, "I hate carrots." You say, "I like them." Difference of opinion. So why am I a jerk for hating carrots? I just don't share your love for carrots, why are we fighting all of a sudden? Why is you opinion so threatened by mine?
Maybe the girl thought I was belittling her status as a prego. I was, actually, but since when is a differing in opinion a grounds for dismissal. I didn't get fired, prolly only because my gay boss wants to fuck me, but still....
take your pill, wear a condom.
end transmission.
Now, I can understand why she might not agree with me. People with herepes don't think herpes is the worst thing that could happen. They say, "At least I don't have aids."
Aside from that, when did we all descide that derision of opinion meant hostile or offensive intent? You like carrots, I hate them. Should I get fired for hating something you like? Why is my opinion of carrots any of your business? I say, "I hate carrots." You say, "I like them." Difference of opinion. So why am I a jerk for hating carrots? I just don't share your love for carrots, why are we fighting all of a sudden? Why is you opinion so threatened by mine?
Maybe the girl thought I was belittling her status as a prego. I was, actually, but since when is a differing in opinion a grounds for dismissal. I didn't get fired, prolly only because my gay boss wants to fuck me, but still....
take your pill, wear a condom.
end transmission.
Friday, February 17, 2006
Is it racist to Hate someone for their race?
well, I popped my cherry. That's right, i got in my first Vegas car accident. The whole front end of my car is totaled, and I broke my left arm. That is not true. Actuially, I just crunched the shit out of some little mexican girl's taillight. My car sustained no damage. I think it was actually her fault, but I offered to pay. No cops or bullshit, we'll se how much she thinks it's worth, if she confronts me with the bill at all. Sometimes it pays to be big and scary, though as Daub Sansbeard it is hard to intimidate 5 foot nothing mexican ladies. No wait....
end transmission.
end transmission.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
I'm not drunk, you're drunk.
Well, today is one for the books...
Without the sweaty details, let's just say I begin the 14 day vigil of terror. Another girl has accepted my seed, and though I did all in my power to prevent it's taking root, I'm always a little scarred that my precautions were not enough. Life is a tenacious force, and though I trust science like a religion, nothing is 100%. I guess that two weeks is a stupid time limit for such an apprehension, but it is a realistic time for me to get over the fear that something bad happened. I can go to the doctor and assuage my fears that I have any kind of rust on the tools, but there's no test they can do (on me) that will tell me whether I got someone pregnant or not. I guess I don't trust Trojan as much as I could. Just gotta stay happy with statistics....Never hit a home run yet, don't really ever want to. But sometimes you swing, just right....and maybe some shitty kid thought it would be funny to poke holes in all the rubbers at the local gas station...I have to admit, I think I would take great pleasure in such a prank. So maybe If I knew that's what happened I might chuckle...
Anyway, She doesn't know enough about me to find me even if our multiple procreation attempts renedered a successful result. I'll get over it, surely.
Otherwise.
Against Me! Is the new best band ever. I hate to come late to that bandwagon, there are some that are more punk than me, to be sure, but...they are awesome.
End Transmission.
Without the sweaty details, let's just say I begin the 14 day vigil of terror. Another girl has accepted my seed, and though I did all in my power to prevent it's taking root, I'm always a little scarred that my precautions were not enough. Life is a tenacious force, and though I trust science like a religion, nothing is 100%. I guess that two weeks is a stupid time limit for such an apprehension, but it is a realistic time for me to get over the fear that something bad happened. I can go to the doctor and assuage my fears that I have any kind of rust on the tools, but there's no test they can do (on me) that will tell me whether I got someone pregnant or not. I guess I don't trust Trojan as much as I could. Just gotta stay happy with statistics....Never hit a home run yet, don't really ever want to. But sometimes you swing, just right....and maybe some shitty kid thought it would be funny to poke holes in all the rubbers at the local gas station...I have to admit, I think I would take great pleasure in such a prank. So maybe If I knew that's what happened I might chuckle...
Anyway, She doesn't know enough about me to find me even if our multiple procreation attempts renedered a successful result. I'll get over it, surely.
Otherwise.
Against Me! Is the new best band ever. I hate to come late to that bandwagon, there are some that are more punk than me, to be sure, but...they are awesome.
End Transmission.
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Valentine's Day.
Today is a sad day for me. I know a lot of people must share my anger at the injustice of the Canadians beating the USA in the Olympic Curling Competition. We had them beat damnit! We have to hang our collective heads in shame for the next four years. No gold for curling, too bad guys, maybe next time.
Today at work two old dudes got in a fight over a 5 cent wheel of fortune slot machine. They dropped numerous F bombs at each other and had to be kicked out. They had to be pushing 70, it was a real hoot.
Not much else, I did find out that if you are obnoxiously nice to everyone they don't complain as much. Or at least not out loud. I think it's because they think you are mentally unhinged and potentially dangerous. Try it it's great. I kinda did the George Castanza thing from Sienfeld, you know where he does everything the opposite of what he would usually do. Except I just limit it to verbal interaction, and it's not technically the opposite, but the concept reamains the same.
Let's say some ass said to me, "I've been waiting here for 20 minutes, you guys should have those ticket things. I just want my money so I can get out of here."
My immediate reaction would be to say, "Well, we don't have tickets and I know for fact you've only been waiting for five minutes, cause it says it right here on the computer. We're busy, you're not the only asshole in the world, you have to wait your turn."
Instead I say, "I really like that hat. Really cool hat man."
Also non sequiters work well, "You like rost beef sandwhiches? They make a dman good roast beef sandwhich at subway."
Keep them confused, and they can't be jerks. Being a jerk takes concentration, focus and determination. Also middle aged fat ladies like to here that their hair looks pretty, of that their husbands are stupid.
End Transmission.
Today at work two old dudes got in a fight over a 5 cent wheel of fortune slot machine. They dropped numerous F bombs at each other and had to be kicked out. They had to be pushing 70, it was a real hoot.
Not much else, I did find out that if you are obnoxiously nice to everyone they don't complain as much. Or at least not out loud. I think it's because they think you are mentally unhinged and potentially dangerous. Try it it's great. I kinda did the George Castanza thing from Sienfeld, you know where he does everything the opposite of what he would usually do. Except I just limit it to verbal interaction, and it's not technically the opposite, but the concept reamains the same.
Let's say some ass said to me, "I've been waiting here for 20 minutes, you guys should have those ticket things. I just want my money so I can get out of here."
My immediate reaction would be to say, "Well, we don't have tickets and I know for fact you've only been waiting for five minutes, cause it says it right here on the computer. We're busy, you're not the only asshole in the world, you have to wait your turn."
Instead I say, "I really like that hat. Really cool hat man."
Also non sequiters work well, "You like rost beef sandwhiches? They make a dman good roast beef sandwhich at subway."
Keep them confused, and they can't be jerks. Being a jerk takes concentration, focus and determination. Also middle aged fat ladies like to here that their hair looks pretty, of that their husbands are stupid.
End Transmission.
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Discarded dreams..far too much time awake...
In an effort to write on this stupid thing everyday, here I am.
I buried a dream today. Well, not today literally, I've been piling dirt on it for years, now, but the sod has been lain, and the earth now looks unbroken. There is no headstone, and the funeral has put me into debt.
I finished reading a comic book yesterday called "wanted" by Mark Millar. Another badass scotish writer...maybe it's something in the water...who knows. Anywho, it's about a typical asshole, with a typically shitty life, his girl friend is cheating on him with his best friend, he eats the same lunch everyday, he hates his job, his life, but he's too much of a pussy to deal with it properly. He's too much of a pussy like we all are. Miserable, but unwilling to do what we want, what we need to do to escape. He gets lucky and finds out his dad was murdered and he has inherited his position in a super secret organization, though that is not the real point.
I've felt this way more than once, and identifying with the fantasy of being able to shoot all the assholes who have ever done you wrong with no consequences, is a close friend of mine. But I was intrigued to realize that I don't feel that way now. I am actually content. Well, mostly. It seems like a coward's solution to just leave all the things that made me miserable behind, turn tail and run, worked.
I live an absolutely zero bullshit existance. Sure I have a shitty job that pays shit, but other than that, no bullshit. I talk or do not talk to whomever I wish. I do what I want, with close to total anonymity. Even sex is first name only. Ok well maybe not zero bullshit, more simple, uncomplicated human relationships, as well as the complete freedomn of people having to take me at face value...no history.
end transmission.
I buried a dream today. Well, not today literally, I've been piling dirt on it for years, now, but the sod has been lain, and the earth now looks unbroken. There is no headstone, and the funeral has put me into debt.
I finished reading a comic book yesterday called "wanted" by Mark Millar. Another badass scotish writer...maybe it's something in the water...who knows. Anywho, it's about a typical asshole, with a typically shitty life, his girl friend is cheating on him with his best friend, he eats the same lunch everyday, he hates his job, his life, but he's too much of a pussy to deal with it properly. He's too much of a pussy like we all are. Miserable, but unwilling to do what we want, what we need to do to escape. He gets lucky and finds out his dad was murdered and he has inherited his position in a super secret organization, though that is not the real point.
I've felt this way more than once, and identifying with the fantasy of being able to shoot all the assholes who have ever done you wrong with no consequences, is a close friend of mine. But I was intrigued to realize that I don't feel that way now. I am actually content. Well, mostly. It seems like a coward's solution to just leave all the things that made me miserable behind, turn tail and run, worked.
I live an absolutely zero bullshit existance. Sure I have a shitty job that pays shit, but other than that, no bullshit. I talk or do not talk to whomever I wish. I do what I want, with close to total anonymity. Even sex is first name only. Ok well maybe not zero bullshit, more simple, uncomplicated human relationships, as well as the complete freedomn of people having to take me at face value...no history.
end transmission.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
How Come I'm So God Damned Stupid.
Every other fucker on this website has got pictures, even some mexican slut. I'm no idiot when it comes to computers, what the fuck? I have the gayest blog ever. They're all laughing at me. I'll show them. I'll show them all!
Enough of the old way....
I've decided to take my blog in a new direction. It never really had an old one, so I guess I'm just starting a new blog. I haven't really told anyone about it, so I don't really expect anyone to read it. I do however emjoy the idea that my writings here are in the ethereal void of the net, and not rotting on my hard drive, alone and masturbating quietly. Knowing that someone might run across these ramblings is an exciting thought as well, though exciting like pulling a nose hair, not exciting like fucking a stripper.
With that out of the way, I must now write something useful. Ah yes, global sexual slavery. I watched this thing on PBS, an expisode of Frontline, about the world trade of sex slaves. Women abducted from their homes and forced into prostition. Well, not so much abducted as, coerced from their shitty living condintions and thrust into a nightmare beyond my virgin asshole's imagination. "Servicing" 10-20 dudes a night for years, enduring beatings, and all for free.
Now some of these women, do this intentionally, thinking they will make money (to help their kids, families, etc), actually most of them fit this model. Only about ten percent answer the ads for "domestic laborors abroad" in their shitty local papers thinking they'll be cleaning some hotel in Venice for 25 cents a day.
Most of the girls that are tricked are "sold" by some friend of theirs. It's such a fucking poor and morally vampiric place (Eastern Europe) that some dude you grew up with might sell you to international sex slavers for $500. One poor woman was looking for work to help her little brother get a life saving operation. They lived next to Chernobyl(sp)., for christ's sake! Get this the operation was going to cost almost $700. SHe was abducted, rescued 2 years later, and then had to face her whole family (which, of course, consisted of 15 people including her sister who had a tumor in her brain so big her right eye couldn't open) after fucking close to a thousand guys. SHe then goes back into whoring for the money to save her brother, who died in the mean time, anyway.
And I sometimes think my life sucks.
Man, shaving my pubes to get rid of crabs I got from concensual sex with a blonde from Texas doesn't seem so shitty in the light that I could be, drugged, beaten and raped on my first night in Istambul as a precursor to my new life as sex slave fuck--- I mean "servicing" 10-20 men a night for free.
But it's the slave traders I find facinating. Human life means nothing to these people. They caught a guy red handed and he got 5-years probation. His third offense. ANd one guy was partners with his wife! Now that makes me jelous. It's one thing to be an international Sex Slave abductor/Pimp by day, and having to lie to your wife. To look the woman you love in the eye, knowing that you make a generous living off of ruining women's lives, doing unspeakable things to them without remorse, knowing that this love of your life could just as easily be one of these poor wretches, with very little imagining. It's quite another to have her be your fucking partner in the enterprise. Now that's fucking love, man. That's fucking Russian chicks for you.
all for now.
With that out of the way, I must now write something useful. Ah yes, global sexual slavery. I watched this thing on PBS, an expisode of Frontline, about the world trade of sex slaves. Women abducted from their homes and forced into prostition. Well, not so much abducted as, coerced from their shitty living condintions and thrust into a nightmare beyond my virgin asshole's imagination. "Servicing" 10-20 dudes a night for years, enduring beatings, and all for free.
Now some of these women, do this intentionally, thinking they will make money (to help their kids, families, etc), actually most of them fit this model. Only about ten percent answer the ads for "domestic laborors abroad" in their shitty local papers thinking they'll be cleaning some hotel in Venice for 25 cents a day.
Most of the girls that are tricked are "sold" by some friend of theirs. It's such a fucking poor and morally vampiric place (Eastern Europe) that some dude you grew up with might sell you to international sex slavers for $500. One poor woman was looking for work to help her little brother get a life saving operation. They lived next to Chernobyl(sp)., for christ's sake! Get this the operation was going to cost almost $700. SHe was abducted, rescued 2 years later, and then had to face her whole family (which, of course, consisted of 15 people including her sister who had a tumor in her brain so big her right eye couldn't open) after fucking close to a thousand guys. SHe then goes back into whoring for the money to save her brother, who died in the mean time, anyway.
And I sometimes think my life sucks.
Man, shaving my pubes to get rid of crabs I got from concensual sex with a blonde from Texas doesn't seem so shitty in the light that I could be, drugged, beaten and raped on my first night in Istambul as a precursor to my new life as sex slave fuck--- I mean "servicing" 10-20 men a night for free.
But it's the slave traders I find facinating. Human life means nothing to these people. They caught a guy red handed and he got 5-years probation. His third offense. ANd one guy was partners with his wife! Now that makes me jelous. It's one thing to be an international Sex Slave abductor/Pimp by day, and having to lie to your wife. To look the woman you love in the eye, knowing that you make a generous living off of ruining women's lives, doing unspeakable things to them without remorse, knowing that this love of your life could just as easily be one of these poor wretches, with very little imagining. It's quite another to have her be your fucking partner in the enterprise. Now that's fucking love, man. That's fucking Russian chicks for you.
all for now.
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