...the sound of failure isn't here...yet.

My life is boring and moving forward quickly. So, in other words, nothing is happening, very rapidly.

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Ghost in the Lighthouse.

I have discovered something. You cannot kill a puppy and expect it to stop loving you.

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She said she was in love with me, and now she don't need me....

I feel like this blog is now an assignement from a teacher who doesn't actually read what I turn in. Listen to Against ME! and the Fairlanes. Throw in some LAgwagon, and JAwbreaker. In fact, Listen to "Dear You" over and over again until you wan to to kill yourself. God it's amazing, how did I live so long without it...."I love you so much it's killing us both," shit.

Anyway. All the black girls I work with have white boyfriends. They all have kids with these dudes. None of them are married. What the fuck? Have I been missing out somehow? I've fucked almost every flavor of girl, but never Negro. Korean, Mexican, Japanese, German, White, Canadian, Slutanese, Cambodia, desperate and drunk, i've had a pretty diverse sexual portfollio, but the blacks, They intimidate me a little bit, and I hate people who pronounce "th" as "F". Birf Day makes me want immolate the whole world! Eat writer pretension!

Is pretenesion a word? maybe I should axe a dictionary.

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Not a dull moment.

I work at a casino, I wander around at all hours of the night not really doing anything of any real value to the further the human race. Last night a drunk stripper sat down at the bar next to some dude. She was in her early thirties, maybe just turned thirty, but she had an amazing body and, oddly enough, big fake boobies.
As most of you know, I find the most sensual part of the woman to be the boobies.
Anyway, she is absolutely throwing herself at this guy, who is having nothing to do with her inebrieated overtures. Is the guy gay, married, who knows, it doesn't really matter, this girl is determined to go home with this guy no matter what.
She is so intent on this goal that she sits there for two hours trying to seduce him, meanwhile drinking like my grandma at christmas time. Desire vs. Bladder....the winner?
This grown woman pissed her pants in public! She ran to the bathroom, well stumbled really, but was too late. She came back out summoning the dignity necessary to cover her crotch and ass with her hands.
So now, one would expect that all was lost! No! She just tied a coat around her waist and picked up were she left off! Awesome!

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...like the shower rod, can it take my weight?

Contrary to popular opinion and the article in USA Today, I am still breathing. Though my breath smells like vodka and peanuts, I am still thriving. It's just that nothing interesting has happened in a while and I don't feel like making anything up.

I did talk to a $300/hour prostitute at work a few days ago. She was by far the most expensive call girl I've ever met. I asked her how much 30 seconds would cost, and she laughed. She was very attactive and surprisingly smart. We talked about stuff.

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Until morale improves, the beatings will continue!

Williams, Chopper check out my new blog for the first chapter of that story...I'll post more every few days...I just hate the fucking ending and am almost done making it worse. Enjoy. All content is copywritten 2006 by DaubvonDaub any use of these stories without my express written conscent is prohibited. All stories are in almost doen, still tweaking form, so I reserve the right to change anything I want. So there.

http://bleedingfromtheanus.blogspot.com/

Also I clogged the toilet at work. Agian.

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Accident Prone.

So I guess some former CA Cop kidnapped some 14 year old boy and made the lad suck his dick at gunpoint. Now, if you haven't sucked dick at gun point, let me tell you it can be a very uncomfortable, and somewhat terrifying experience. Doubly so for a small boy of 14, I'd imagine. Mouth raping a little kid, that I something I do not condone, I mean make the kid lick your balls while you jerk off, or toungue your asshole a little, sure, but don't make him chug your hog, not cool.

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Here we go.

I have two mains topics of discussion here tonight. The first is single hot women. You cannot trust that any girl over the age of....23, that's kinda arbitrary (who I've never actually had to spell that word, "are bit trar iy"), but it's kinda like definging a pile of sand. One grain is not a pile, neither is two grains, but what about 5,000, if 5,000 is a pile is 4,999 a pile or not,...you get the point anyway..

They either have a kid, and were dumped soon after the father got the news, a situation, that by the way is really your safest best, 'cause the reason she's single is obvious and may not be any sort of psycological miswiring, OR

there's something so wrong with this girl that even though she is so fucking hot, that is not enough to keep some guy, any guy, which is gotta be a doozey. There are a shit ton of desperate dudes, lots of them rich, just by the law of probability eventually you should find the right person given almost infinite choices.

"Well, maybe she dumped him, did you ever think of that, jerk?." Maybe, but I have no data to support that hypothesis, my test group is by no way omni-inclusive of every woman on earth, but theses conclusions are based on exhaustive field study. women stay with men that beat them, for christ's sake. If someone beat me up on regular basis, I would not hang around with them, unless they were really hot, which emphasises my earlier point. What the fuck could be so wrong with girls like this? I don't know but I bet if I talk to her for longer than ten minutes, she will tell me. I could range anywhere from being molested as a child, to, and I quote, "I feel like , if I love a guy, he better fucking love me back or it drives me insane," No shit.

So what do we d? Fuck ugly girls. Sadly no, they have a different set of issues, and more than normal because they haven't even got the consolation of being hot. And they are too expensive to feed. Fuck no one, that won't work. Turn Gay? No. Well...no.

We need to get our shit together and get those robot prostitutes into the streets! You know the Japs have had sex-bots forever, that's why they have so much economic power, they all fuck angelina Jolie every night, (well why not have 2 or 3, really), with not STD's or bullshit, and they can focus on fucking us all over. They have a master plan, robot whores are only the beginning.

Fuck curing cancer, I don't wanna live past 60 anyway, we wouldn't have to cure aids 'cause, robots are very hygenic. Screw all that shit because I would rather have a Gwen Stefani-bot blowing me right now, and every day till the batteries run out, than I would living another 100 years. Hurry up nerds! It will help you (us) the most...only we can free man from a burden he has carried since time immortal!

That probably didn't make a lick of sense.

end transmissions.

If I could be serious for a moment.

Why are old people so fucking stupid?

I often forget that everyone is stupid, though, I think that young people are stupid in groups, and old people are stupid as individuals. Alright, I get that if you were still alive when horses where used as transportation, an airplane or a fucking computer might be a little hard to understand. That makes sense.

I mean since the beginning of the human race, we have helped those who cannot cope with change. Some would say that was God's plan all along. Evolution only reached these heights we have attained by promoting teamwork and brotherhood. Basically the family paradigm, I need you to help me with the work of society, so I will bully you into learning all the shit you need to to keep ME alive, and then you can do the same, until we get to the moon. Dads needed sons to help farm the wilderness, and daughters to marry other people's sons and unite giant families and have tons of kids, to increase the familial workforce. That's basically what Wal-Mart has become to all those fucks who can barely read, or the elderly. Their 15th century father.

Where was I? Oh yeah, old people not being able to use computers...I'm bored already. Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. The cure is not this blog.

Chopper, Williams, I'll send you that story soon, you win the top two spots in the list of the two people who read this thing. I needed to change the ending, too much death and blood.


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If I would have known, just how things would have ended up, I would have just let myself die.

I have been neglecting, this my first blog, for another, two actually, but here I am, back to bore you all with nothing.

Let's see, X-men 3 sucked. I lost a shit ton of money gambling last weekend. I met a girl from Australia who said I was "the maddest bloke," she had ever met. She had big tits, and freckles. Her name mas Madlyne, I don't know how to spell it, but she was a little hot in a crazy, drunk sorta way.

Not much else, really, Bokowski said that the life of a writer was to go collect shit, pile it on, until you had to relieve yourself of it, I don't have enough piled up, it seems, not yet....

Fuck american Idol.

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As you were...

Life continues, one hangover at a time. Saw some good bands last night, skipped out on work, won some money at poker. Hangover lingers...anus still functional.

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I can be as stupid as anyone...

Well, due to some computer bullshit (I still don't know why), my internet Bookmarks list was resest to it's 1998 listings. After wondering why I was suddenly so interested in magic cards again, and why I was relearning about the Shakespearean sonnet, or why I thought Kathy Ireland was so hot, I realized what had happened. Man, internet porn has come a long way, and not all for the better! Before anyone was paying attention one could watch small russian children sodomize their moms with corn cobs, but now...god fucking luck finding that link!

Anyway, I lost the address to this blog and only through divine intervention was I able to return! I only wish I had something good to report. Ian and I have been getting drunk and fucking bitches, though it is Ian doing most of the fucking, though to be fair he does still manage to pull his weight drinking and does more than his share of the gambling.

We have a coke dealer, now, finally, though after a particularly bad bender, each of us have decided to stay away from it until we forget how bad it is and decide to do it again. The guy, is well, I can't really tell you about him, secrecy being important in his line of work...so, dead end.

Uhhh...what else...I met a really cool chick and talked to her on the phone for a really long time, so long, in fact, that I got horribly drunk and do not remember how the phone call ended. Did I promise to call her back, did I say something stupid? Probably. So Carrie if by some weird chance you're reading this, sorry, unless I didn't fuck anything up, and if that's the case don't read on...and all I can say in my defense is that If your a dick the first time you meet someone, it only gives them the chance to say something like, "At first I thought he was an asshole, but now that I've gotten to know him, I realize he's a massive asshole." If you're nice right off the bat, well then people just walk all over you.


Thank you Big Chris for keeping this blog at number one on blog city. If I prayed I would pray for you, but I don't so I will just think of you you when I see footage on CNN of little dead sand niggers.

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I little girl gave me a flower today.

You ever have a shit so nasty that only a shower would get you completely clean?

I just did. The sheer velocity of the initial, unrepentant blast, startled me. It displaced all of the water in the bowl, shooting it at untested speed towards my virgin rectum.

Then Silence. Calm relief.

Followed by another horrible diffusion of mostly liquid fecal matter, that splattered the bowl's contents all over my ass cheeks. I could feel it dripping from my ass. I could hear it, actually.

Drip..ploop...drip.

I never did get around to that shower.

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I have been inside a lot.

These past fwe days have found me alone, in my room reading and writing like crazy, so as far as anything interesting to anyone else...

I Finished "hot Water Music" for the 2nd time, and I'm about half way through "Ham on Rye." Charles Bukowski has been one of my faveorites for a while, but I never read his poetry, as poetry usually bores the hell out of me, his...isn't like real poetry...it's entertaining..."but Daub...poetry is for the gays, and I hate paying for something so short and stupid," well check it out for free, you cheap bastards;

http://www.poemhunter.com/charles-bukowski/poems/

Anyway. I also read a lot of X-Men comics and the new 100 bullets. Some Superman and Batman as well.

Take that! culture.

As for writing, I finally finished this short story I wrote about a guy who lights cab drivers on fire (based on true events!) Email me if you want to read it...otherwise, fuck off.

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Don't you know we're all whores?

It has been a few days, huh? Well, I don't know. There have been some complications....

First of all, I have once again realized that coming off a coke bender is a lot like what I imagine being girl on the rag is like. You're emotions are all over the place, mood swings, a logical understanding of what you should feel about subject X, constantly at odds with what you actually feel about Subject X. Worse than that your current emotions don't make any sense, I hate the color green! WHat the fuck is that? Anyway that's over and now I must claw my way from the depths of what Cash so poetically termed, "the cocaine blues." I know far too much about what is chemically happening in my brain, and so I listen to Social Distortion Cd's and drink.

The details of the last couple of days are sketchy. I do remember killing a bum and fucking a 12 year old girl. These things may or may not have happened.

end transmission.

Those stress cracks in the wood, how nicely they soak up the stains...

Has anyone seen my dignity, I swear I left it around here somewhere......

Burned Beyond Recognition.

Don' t kill a hampster with a BB gun. You will not feel good about yourself, or any of humanity.

Plenty of perspiration, not much inspiration.

I was watching fox news at 5 in the morning, on my lunch break, when what did appear? Cu Boulder made the news for that 420 bullshit on Ferrand Field. Apparantly some kids are being charged with trespassing, and there is some website full of photos of kids smoking pot, where you can narc on them for fifty bucks. Man they found the dumbest hippy dirtbag to stand up for the cause...

His claim was that he was smoking oregano. HE didn't hink to say it was just a hand rolled cigarette, he was smoking oregano, as many people do on a daily basis. Man, they made this moron look even dumber than he probably was...sometimes I miss Boulder, just a little.

On a lighter note, I have determined that not being actively homophobic in LAs Vegas means you're gay, or curious, at the very least. I have not one, but four gay guys calling me more than is comfortable, and now I know what it was like for all those girls who suffered my sexual advances, when they only wanted to be friends.

Sorry ladies.

So to clear the air, I now hate faggots. Damn pillow biters, no ADam and Steve...damn ass pirates should go back to fag town where fucking and sucking other dudes is ok. now I look like I'm trying too hard to hate them. Does that make me seem gayer? SHit. I can't win. They say that the same things that attract women to me, work equally well on the fags. Well, fuck! At least I'm appealing to the catchers.

This, however, has given me some great insights into the pig-headed and utterly pathetic behavior we as men call our quest for sexual gratification. No matter how pointless the persuit, or how utterly out of reach the target, men will fool themselves into thinking they have a chance, going to great lengths, usually to no avail. We, as a sex, can be very depressing. No menstration, though, we got that going for us.

The free drinks are nice, though I'll never be that drunk.

The upside, is that one of these gays is my boss, I've never experienced the power and freedom having a boss that wants to fuck you can afford. I'm sure there have been female bosses in the past that wanted my hog, but women never really have enough power to do anything useful for you anyway.

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Apocalyptic Love Song

I wrote two posts that turned out to be drunken bullshit, this is what I am left with:

Don't piss with the light off, especially in your own bathroom.

Always eat as much as you can when it's free.

Don't tell a girl you love her unless you mean it.

Make sure your boss does not have a myspace account.

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Wish I had thought of this.

http://www.donville.com/Hitler.php

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