I want to tell you all a joke. I want to tell you a story about trying to take a shit on a toilet that flushes automatically, or an embarrassing sexual escapde involving me and a drunk gril from Iowa. I desperately want to tell those stories, but....
This sentence is the hundredth draft... I want to say so much here, but my meager literary skills are incompetent in the face of the task before them. How can my art fail me when I need it most...? What do I say. What can I say?
end transmission.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Friday, March 16, 2007
Unlucky Stuntman.
I usually try to keep this shit funny and light hearted. Right now...I'm kinda addicted to the expression of this medium. I don't mean to bring you people down, and you are all surely very unused to any sort of non-sarcastic sincerity in this blog, but someone I care deeply for was diagnosed with cancer today.
This person is my age, and it's kinda fucked me up a little bit. Ironically, recently had a conversation about Kharma with a girl at work. I told her thaT I thought the concept of kharma was bullshit, because my life experience has taught me that good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. Shit happens, there is no reward, no deserving including in the calculations.
This person is one of the most kind hearted people I have ever known, though this person certainly has a dark side, as we all do, but...goddammit. I am left without a schematic, no chart to show me the right course. There is nothing I can do, I am powerless, the worst feeling there is. Why is someone who has such a positive influence on the world, stricken down, while someone like me, so useless and mired in the morass of mysanthropy, left perfectly healthy?
There is no why. That is a question that we invented, it cannot be answered because "why" is a motive that we create, but it has no actual value or answer. I wish there was a God I could blame, curse, and blaspheme against, but there is none. Nothing happens for a reason, it is biology, chemestry...physics. Fuck, I hope she will be ok. It's all I can do, and it sucks.
I've never been so angry at the truth.
end transmission.
This person is my age, and it's kinda fucked me up a little bit. Ironically, recently had a conversation about Kharma with a girl at work. I told her thaT I thought the concept of kharma was bullshit, because my life experience has taught me that good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people. Shit happens, there is no reward, no deserving including in the calculations.
This person is one of the most kind hearted people I have ever known, though this person certainly has a dark side, as we all do, but...goddammit. I am left without a schematic, no chart to show me the right course. There is nothing I can do, I am powerless, the worst feeling there is. Why is someone who has such a positive influence on the world, stricken down, while someone like me, so useless and mired in the morass of mysanthropy, left perfectly healthy?
There is no why. That is a question that we invented, it cannot be answered because "why" is a motive that we create, but it has no actual value or answer. I wish there was a God I could blame, curse, and blaspheme against, but there is none. Nothing happens for a reason, it is biology, chemestry...physics. Fuck, I hope she will be ok. It's all I can do, and it sucks.
I've never been so angry at the truth.
end transmission.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Does this shit happen to anyone else?
Well, I have the internet again, and it turns out that I can live without it for four days. Though technically I had it on my phone, so maybe not.
So, a lot of weird shit happens at the super market. I think it's 'cause it's really the only place on earth that everyone has to go. Whether you are a lawyer or a janitor, eventually you need toothpaste, and oranges, and pizza, and beer. So you get a lot of people that normally don't mix in society, mixing it up.
As a digression, you should all know that I live my life by a morality that is popularly known are "relativisistic morality." Simply put it's the theory that morality is relative to the person in any given situation. Stealing is wrong...but not if your kids are starving, that kind of shit. I determine right or wrong based on what I would feel and/or do if I was the person in any given situation, I think it's really the only way to make judgment calls on hypothetical situations.
So retards. I think a child that is going to be retarded should be aborted. If it is too late for that, it should be humanely euthanised after birth. I only say this because, I would rather be dead than retarded. Life sucks bad enough without a handicap like that, and if i was in the womb, about to be born retarded, I would not want to live. Now that is not to say that I want everyone to kill their retarded babies, luckily for a limited time we still get to make choices like that for ourselves, I'm just saying what I would want/do. I think it is the only humane thing to do. Same goes for if my baby was black. (come on, that's a little funny.)
This is all relevant because I was at the local Albertson's buying provisions for the day. The bag boy was retarded. The "check yourself out" lanes were down for maintenance, and I had to shuffle along with the rest of the idiots. This is pretty much how it went down.
The retard put my beer in a bag (it maybe a slight bit ironic that we use drugs to feel like retards feel all the time, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I should hope that everyone is born retarded..hmm...);
Retard: "I'm going to put this in three bags so it doesn't break."
Daub: "Thanks, dude."
Retard: "My mom says beer makes you fat and dumb."
Check out lady is slightly embarrassed.
Daub: "Your mom's probably right."
Retard: "How come you're all wet?
Daub: "I just finished working out."
Retard: "You should take a shower."
Daub: "I think that's a good idea."
Retard: "My mom says you have to exercise or you will get fat."
Daub: "Yeah, that's true."
Retard: "I don't think Sarah exercises too much."
Sarah is the uncomfortable check out girl, who is slightly obese. At this point I make eye contact with Sarah and it takes all the will power I have not to laugh in her face and say, "the retard called you fat!"
We go through the normal bullshit, I sign my receipt and I grab my shit from the retard.
Retard: "Don't forget to shower, you stink."
Daub: "Thanks, you have a great day."
He moved on, bagging someone else's groceries.
end transmission.
So, a lot of weird shit happens at the super market. I think it's 'cause it's really the only place on earth that everyone has to go. Whether you are a lawyer or a janitor, eventually you need toothpaste, and oranges, and pizza, and beer. So you get a lot of people that normally don't mix in society, mixing it up.
As a digression, you should all know that I live my life by a morality that is popularly known are "relativisistic morality." Simply put it's the theory that morality is relative to the person in any given situation. Stealing is wrong...but not if your kids are starving, that kind of shit. I determine right or wrong based on what I would feel and/or do if I was the person in any given situation, I think it's really the only way to make judgment calls on hypothetical situations.
So retards. I think a child that is going to be retarded should be aborted. If it is too late for that, it should be humanely euthanised after birth. I only say this because, I would rather be dead than retarded. Life sucks bad enough without a handicap like that, and if i was in the womb, about to be born retarded, I would not want to live. Now that is not to say that I want everyone to kill their retarded babies, luckily for a limited time we still get to make choices like that for ourselves, I'm just saying what I would want/do. I think it is the only humane thing to do. Same goes for if my baby was black. (come on, that's a little funny.)
This is all relevant because I was at the local Albertson's buying provisions for the day. The bag boy was retarded. The "check yourself out" lanes were down for maintenance, and I had to shuffle along with the rest of the idiots. This is pretty much how it went down.
The retard put my beer in a bag (it maybe a slight bit ironic that we use drugs to feel like retards feel all the time, maybe I'm wrong, maybe I should hope that everyone is born retarded..hmm...);
Retard: "I'm going to put this in three bags so it doesn't break."
Daub: "Thanks, dude."
Retard: "My mom says beer makes you fat and dumb."
Check out lady is slightly embarrassed.
Daub: "Your mom's probably right."
Retard: "How come you're all wet?
Daub: "I just finished working out."
Retard: "You should take a shower."
Daub: "I think that's a good idea."
Retard: "My mom says you have to exercise or you will get fat."
Daub: "Yeah, that's true."
Retard: "I don't think Sarah exercises too much."
Sarah is the uncomfortable check out girl, who is slightly obese. At this point I make eye contact with Sarah and it takes all the will power I have not to laugh in her face and say, "the retard called you fat!"
We go through the normal bullshit, I sign my receipt and I grab my shit from the retard.
Retard: "Don't forget to shower, you stink."
Daub: "Thanks, you have a great day."
He moved on, bagging someone else's groceries.
end transmission.
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