I can't recall the why or when...all I remember is that now we aren't speaking.

A lot of you have asked what happened next in my adventure with LSD in public after the asian chick. I alluded that it was substantial and kept me from ever attempting such a stunt again.

This is true.

For those of you who have never tripped acid, I guess maybe you need a little more description of the experience to understand. After I talked to Kelly I decided to head home to the dorms, which was a pretty decent walk sober, but tripping was going to be a herculean gauntlet, survivable only by the true of heart and strong of faith.

You see, when your this fucked up on rat poison the world is different. It's not like you're drunk, your faculties are intact, you can move adroitly, your thoughts are clear, too clear, almost. But you are also not straight, you are perceiving everything differently, as if you are wearing red sunglasses and asked to properly identify colored objects.

"pick the green apple."

You can recognize the object: apple, and you see a green one, plain as day, but the object you picked looks to everyone else to be a red apple, and to be fair, there is no apple. It's actually a yellow pear. Get it? If not you've never been that fucked up.

I digress. Ar this point I had already forgotten that I had talked to Kelly, in fact that she even existed, i was already contemplating whether or not God had designed Street Fighter ( the arcade was right in front of me) as a way to separate the weak from the roundeye, when a most unfortunate event occurred.

The fat girl from my feminist philosophy class appeared with two of her (i assumed) sexually damaged lesbian friends. There was no escape, she recognized me(most of you have heard the tales of this class....I'm sure I'll include the experience eventually...but for now, imagine me in a class with 30 angry feminists talking about rape).

I, of course, pretended as if I had no idea who she was, ans she walked by without incident. Very anticlimactic.

Where was I, goddammit, this parachute is a knapsack! I'll be back with the rest, fuck! Stupid internet.

end transmission.

I'll love you forever, if I ever love at all.

So due to the immense free time I have at my disposal and my growing lack of enjoyment at the company of my fellow human beings, I have been playing around a lot with internet IQ and personality tests. Low and behold an EHarmony commercial came on and I figured, with that much money for TV advertising, they must be popular, but how accurately could it diagnose my personality.

In a nut shell, it was terrifyingly accurate, and this was the final result:

"Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time."

Now, this doesn't surprise me, since I answered every question with 99.9% honesty, and, well, no one is ever going to get a date going that route. It was the actual personality analysis that blew my mind.

"Your emphasis on personal independence and personal responsibility may seem to lack in compassion to some people. Undoubtedly you have encountered people who feel this way toward you. And some may find you to be rather selfish. You do stay focused on your own life, take responsibility for your own problems, and are not always moved by situations in which some people think some action is required. That is part of you and your basic beliefs about life. And some people will inevitably want you to be different, but that is simply not who you are.

Undoubtedly you have met some people who get uncomfortable being around you because your feelings are so close to the surface. They may keep a bit of distance, especially around any subject that might trigger an emotional topic they are uncomfortable with.

Lucky you! You enjoy your own company as much as you enjoy the company of others.

You may occasionally run into problems with other people....They may be more sociable and outgoing, and find you too laid-back and relaxed. They want conversations to be lively and passionate while you keep things amiable and civil. Or others may be more quiet and reserved than you, and when you're in one of your more animated moments they may wish you would back off. You may be ready to put more energy into a conversation than they are comfortable with."

That's just a taste, but you get the point. Have we really figured out how people react to the point that a generic online test can pinpoint such salient features in our personality? Are there really only a certain number of specific personalities in the world that are quantifiable? Or is this test like astrology, just general enough that you can pick out the things that seem right and ignore the stuff that doesn't apply.

All I know is that Eharmony has little hope for me as a person, and that makes me happy.

end transmission.